Pre-Christmas Update

Hadley throwing the leaves to make August laugh. Adorable.

I kept waiting for the perfect time to sit and compose my thoughts for this blog and then I realized that just isn't going to happen! So, I will settle for quickly typing this while August is crying in his crib because he doesn't want to take a nap. Hadley is actually taking a rare nap too. Normally she doesn't take a nap, but every now and then when she comes home after her therapy she just looks beat. She fights me for a second but falls asleep pretty quick. These kids are crazy. Naps are the best!
Ok, where to start...
I last blogged in October, so I'll start there. We had a fabulous Halloween. We dressed up as bees again (we did this in 2011 when Hadley was 7 months old, so we just had to buy her a bigger bee costume for this year and then August wore her old one.) Voila, Halloween done for about $8. That's the way to do it! Our ward had a fun trunk or treat and after that we took Hadley and August to a dozen or so houses on Warm Springs Ave. We've lived near Warm Springs our whole marriage, but it's still fun to peek in the houses when we can. Yes, I'm a creep. I also got to go with Hadley and her preschool class to a pumpkin patch and it was magical. I always had a dream that I would be a stay-at-home-mom who could go with her kids on field trips and this was that dream realized! So much fun.

In November, I started a very part time job at Cracker Barrel as a server. I love it. I don't love having to leave the kids and Levi in the evening those two nights/week (especially because that's when they are least sweet) but tough times call for tough measures :) It's actually been fun and I enjoy talking to the customers and the other servers. The tips have been good, with some days being fantastic and others just so-so. I'm enjoying being that part time person that can't work more than they're scheduled and has no responsibility. Who knew that years and years of being in a leadership position would make me yearn to give up that power!
I had to work on Thanksgiving, so Levi was flying solo when he took the kids over to his aunt's house. He said they were great and I'm glad that he could enjoy some yummy turkey and potatoes. We did "Thanksgiving 2.0" the next week with our friends Dani and Seth and Megan and Ryan, plus all their kids. It was fun to do a Thanksgiving that was no pressure and didn't require a lot of fanciness. I've said it before, but I love having friends. Especially how we all have kids the same age and can commiserate/seek advice from each other.

Hadley's therapy has been great! We are so blessed to have Jeannine in our lives and I sometimes make myself panic wondering what would
happen if Jeannine quit or moved. Hadley sees her from 12:30-2:45 Monday-Friday. They play a lot at the therapy center, and Hadley has made some friends there, including a sweet little girl with Down Syndrome named McKenna and a boy named Ollie who also has autism. They all play in their unique way and it's adorable.
These past two Sundays, Hadley and all the other kids in nursery who will be moving up to Sunbeams in January were invited to go to sharing time to help them see what they're going to be doing. I know that this isn't a surprise, but Hadley did NOT do well. First, she loves nursery, so it was hard for her not to do that. Second, her hyperkinective-ness found it very hard to sit still. And third: Autism! This includes being overstimulated, and having sensory overload, especially when the kids sing a song she doesn't like, wanting to touch things all around the room, and just feeling overwhelmed. The first week was an utter disaster, but I went online to my Boise support group and asked advice from other LDS moms with autistic kids about how they handled the transition and they had some great advice. Also, Hadley's little friend Kate was there this last week and held Hadley's hand while they sat on their little chairs, so that made a huge difference. I think within a couple of months, Hadley will really get the hang of it and enjoy it as much as she enjoys school and other things.
Here are some things Hadley loves right now:
-Bubble Guppies. Super cute show.
-Her iPad. Holy crap, kids these days are so amazing with technology and Hadley is no exception. I'm struggling to find apps that don't bore her to death.
-Jingle Bell Rock. We listen and dance to that song about thirty times a day. I don't mind, she looks so cute.
-Her "chocolate calendar" (advent calendar)
-Helping me bake. She loves looking at the list of ingredients and she's great at cracking eggs and then handing them to me before her hands get sticky.
-"Madeline" I love reading it to her, but Levi hates it! He hates how many pages have to be turned (because Hadley HAS TO DO IT HERSELF!)

August is such a little tank! The kid does not stop moving and is determined to get his first set of stitches before his first birthday. He was crawling all over the place before he turned six months and now at 7 months, he cruises all around the furniture and tries to pull himself up over things like baby gates and the bathtub. Part of me is excited to have him walking, so he can keep up with Hadley and run around with her outside (on the warm days) but part of me realizes that I never got to enjoy my newborn cuddle time with him! It just didn't happen! Oh well, we love him so, so much. August has also had some hard times with some foods and is not yet holding his own bottle or speaking in consonants, so he has been approved to have some visits by an OT starting in January, through our state's infant/toddler program. His overall development is better than Hadley was at this age, so that gives me hope, but I am praying with everything I have that these small issues don't turn into larger issues down the road. Between you, me, and this blog, I don't know what I'd do if it turned out that August was also autistic. I'm sure we would just manage, but I can't even think about it right now...
Here are some things that Mr. August loves:
-Hadley. He is NUTS about her and if she even glances his direction he laughs himself silly.
-His hammer. Technically, it's Hadley's hammer, but she sometimes lets him play with it and he hammers anything he can get close enough too...so we've been trying to get the cat to stay away! Haha!
-Chicken noodle soup. Hadley has this quite often, so I've been letting him try the leftovers and he goes nuts for it!

At the end of November, we had a massive snowstorm and August was sad that Hadley and I were outside playing without him.

Oh! I forgot to talk about his sleep training. Up until about three weeks ago, August was still waking up every 2 hours and not going back to sleep immediately. It was HELL. We were still letting him sleep with us for parts of the night, because I couldn't deal with not getting any sleep. At a certain point, we just couldn't do it any more and went on facebook and asked my friends what they suggested. One of my old work friends messaged me about how they did the Ferber method with their little girl, and I'm not kidding...it was like magic. Within three days August went from not sleeping for more than two hours to sleeping ten to twelve hours a night. The first night was torture, with him screaming so hard he lost his voice. Luckily the Ferber method doesn't just have you leave them in their screaming and scared. You actually check on them frequently, you just don't pick them up. This made me feel better because I knew that August knew we were right there, but he was having to learn how to self-soothe. Now, he sleeps like a dream at night (knock on wood!) and his naps are better too. Thank you, facebook friends!

I have been loving this holiday season, though a little more snow would have been nice. It is bizarre to not be stressed out during December, and I suspect I will have flashbacks of working retail for years to come, but I am truly happy. I listen to Christmas music, wrap presents, enjoy shopping, etc. It's a Christmas miracle! Levi and Hadley picked out a beautiful tree for us and then Levi constructed an adorable picket fence to surround the tree so Mr. Auggie wouldn't bulldoze it and tear down the ornaments.

Levi's work has been great. He has picked up a couple of new accounts and now has two full-time detailers and one part timer. They're trying to build onto his shop so he can get even more work and hire more guys, but I think it's a process that will take a few more months. We have been so lucky and every month that we pay tithing, I think of it as a privilege, as I know that we have been taken care of month after month by our heavenly father.
Levi and I are getting to the point where we NEED to spend some alone time together. Like anyone with small kids, it's easy to start griping at each other and not taking the time to be patient, but that is so important. There have been a couple of nights recently that we forced ourselves to sit and watch a movie together after the kids were in bed and it was awesome! Usually, I drift in and out of the living room, or I read in the tub and Levi messes around on the internet, so to sit together and watch a movie was quite lovely. If you haven't seen "Guardians of the Galaxy" I can't recommend it enough!

Well, things in our neck of the woods are great! We are poor, but blessed. Stressed, but happy. Life is good.

A Lost Purse and a Lesson

I stole this from my sister's Pinterest board. I LOVE this quote!!
I didn't want to leave my blog on a negative post, so I thought I'd hurry up and tell a nice story:

The day before yesterday my purse was stolen out of my car. It may not sound like that big of a deal, but it really put me through the ringer. I felt anger, I felt violated, I felt helpless, and then more anger. There was hardly any money in the purse, but everything in it had value to me. I started to really creep myself out thinking about some weirdo looking at my sweet Hadley's medicaid card that she was approved for with her autism diagnosis. Why would he need that? Why couldn't he give it back to me? Same goes for my license, my gift cards, my insurance card, my three prescriptions that were there, including my emergency inhaler, which total to about $50 in co-pays.
Again, the purse was not valuable, but all of those items were. My favorite black pen. My sunglasses. My makeup bag that only had my favorite lipsticks and a spare mascara in it. Those items are sitting somewhere, and I'm hoping the jerk just took my cards (which i cancelled immediately) and my pills (which won't do him any good, I'm sure...) and trashed the rest.
That night, I started to get a little panicked. This person had my picture and my address. He knows how old my daughter is and knows I also have a little son. I just prayed to my Heavenly Father that the thief would have no interest in me or my family and let us live our life. I felt much better the next morning, but I am still locking my front door at all times.
After the theft, I went on facebook and ranted a little bit about my stolen purse. The response was incredible. Yesterday, after taking some cash to get my new driver's license, I loaded up the kids to get a pumpkin at Fred Meyers. I was stopped at a stop sign when I looked at my wiper blades and saw a $10 neatly folded up. That is exactly how much money was stolen from my wallet.
After getting home, I heard a knock on my door and found nobody there, but found a white envelope with the words "Carly, sorry about your purse. You are loved!" In the envelope was $30 cash. Are you kidding me! How awesome is that??
Then, about half an hour after that, I get a text from a dear friend, who is also my sister's business partner, to check the porch. She had dropped off a gift card to Albertsons and a big bag of peanut M&Ms (my absolute favorite.)
My eyes welled up and I said a quick prayer of thanks. The generosity that my friends and neighbors offered me is a bit overwhelming. I would certainly hope that, had I the resources, I would do the same for one of my friends.
In the spirit of "paying it forward" I made an awesome batch (if I do say so myself) of chocolate chip cookies (the key is REAL vanilla, and being generous with said vanilla) and took them to a few friends and neighbors. It felt good to do something for someone else, rather than dwell on my (admittedly small) misfortune.
Today I feel great. I feel loved, I feel inspired to serve others.
Thank you to anyone who has said a kind word to me these last few days. It means more than you probably know. I want to rewatch all the conference talks and pay special attention to the talks about service and being more Christlike. I want to continue to serve my fellow man and to let go of material things that don't matter.

And on one more positive (material) note, I found a GREAT new purse at Gordmans, on sale for $23! Woo hoo!

The A-word.

This post may not make a ton of sense, as I'm feeling a bit all-over-the-map right now.
I wanted to talk about the A-word: Autism. Specifically Hadley's autism.
Here are probably the five most frustrating things about it at this very moment:

1. I feel like everyone around me is sick of the A-word, and don't want to listen to me talk about it. I can't help that it completely dominates our world right now. I couldn't begin to count the number of times the word runs through my head in a day and sometimes I want to talk about it. I don't know how to explain it, but it's like my child is wearing all red, but when I try to talk to someone about the fact that she's wearing all red, they shut down and don't want to talk about the red...even though they can see the red! Nobody asks us questions about it and I can't understand why. Are they scared to ask or are they sick of listening to me? I feel like it's the latter.
2. I can't fix her autism. This is so hard, as I like solutions. I know that this is our world now and that we're going to have good days and bad days, but sometimes I think I would give anything to have a day like the mom of a neurotypical child.
3. When Hadley is "stuck" inside her head, it nearly kills me to watch her and not be able to stop it. Tonight Hadley got stuck on a loop when we were putting her to bed. She was upset about wanting to read a book, but the particular book she wanted is falling apart. Something about that set her off and we lost her for about thirty minutes. She starts repeating herself, her voice getting higher and higher with hysteria, and soon she can't even remember why she is upset, she just continues to repeat random words and phrases. I try to hold her to calm her down, but she doesn't want that. I can't describe the pain of being pushed away by my child who is in distress. My arms ache from wanting to hold her. Sometimes, especially when she's lost in her own head, she looks at me and I can tell she doesn't even see me. She's seeing something play in her mind and no matter how hard I try, I can't get her to snap out of it. We've had some success using short phrases like, "Eye contact, please." which can sometimes force her out of the movie in her head, but sometimes she stays in that fog.
4. Trying so hard not to think of the future and focus on the present instead. I have always liked thinking of the future, thinking about where we'll be in five years, what fun things we will be involved in, but Hadley's autism does not allow me to even imagine where we'll be tomorrow, let alone five or ten years down the road. I can't have any expectations for her and I have to celebrate the small victories day by day. I don't know if Hadley will be even be able to go to regular kindergarten, so thinking about her life as a twenty-something is out of the question.
5. The frustration that no two cases are alike. I have joined support groups and I spend a decent amount each day on various websites and have yet to find someone with a scenario that matches ours. I feel so alone and there are days I watch other moms and kids at the park or museum and it nearly blows my mind.

Now, since I know nobody likes a total downer post, here are five awesome things that we're experiencing right now:

1. Hadley can read. Not just a few words. Like over 125 common words. I can write up any random sentence on her chalkboard and she can read just about all of it. She's been able to read some words since the time she turned 3, but now she has completely taken off. The Endless Alphabet and Endless Reader apps, and also the B.o.b. book app have been the biggest contributers to why she can read.
2. Hadley can ask for things now. I have to prompt her with, "What do you want?" or "What do you say?" and she will say, "I want ______ please." It's awesome. She still uses code words for a lot of things, like using the word "games" for her iPad, or "coins" for her piggy bank, but we get the gist of it. She also points a bit now, which for any parent of an autistic child will tell you is amazing.
3. Getting to be with her as much as I am. I will devote a blog post to how absolutely amazing it is to be a stay at home mom, but for now I will just say that I get an enormous amount of satisfaction being with her day in and day out.
4. She loves August and he loves her. She has never shown frustration towards him and really lights up when he laughs at her. I hope those two always feed off of each other.
5. She shows genuine interest in some people and some kids. She'll always be more of a peripheral player, but lately I have observed her approach kids and adults and even make a statement, like "Happy birthday!" if it's their birthday. Pretty exciting stuff!

Like I said, I'm sorry if this is a bit rambly (new word), but I have so many emotions about Hadley's autism and sometimes I think I just need to write to get them out. I understand if you gave up halfway through this post.

End of Summer

I can't believe the summer is winding down! We had such a wonderful summer and I hate picturing the cold, short days that are around the corner, so I will savor the cooler, but still sunny weather as much as possible.
This summer we had lots of trips to the park, lots of snowcones, plenty of ice cream, and lots of time spent in swimming suits. All in all, a great three months.
Hadley went back to preschool at the end of August and couldn't be happier. She does well with routine, so she has been much more pleasant. Her preschool is Tuesday-Friday and she gets on the bus at 8:30 in the morning and is dropped off at 11:40am. She adores her bus drivers and they love seeing her skipping onto and off the bus. We are so lucky for the bussing service. Now I can still be in my pajamas and not worry about running into other parents!
The three hours that she's gone goes by so quick, and I rarely get anything done around the house. It doesn't help that Mr. August loves to be held all day and doesn't let me work. I love that little kiddo. We both get excited when we go outside to wait for Hadley's bus. She stomps into the house, drops her backpack, kicks off her shoes, and inhales whatever drink and snack I have for her. Busy girl!
Hadley was also approved for ten hours/week of habilitative therapy and she's been doing that for almost a month now. For two hours a day, Monday-Friday, she plays with her therapist Jeannine (who is AMAZING) and we have seen some huge strides. Hadley now requests anything that she wants ("I want to watch Dora please." "I want a cracker please.") This is HUGE! She is also better about understanding directions, we just have to be very deliberate.
One thing that has just made my heart nearly explode is how Hadley now wants me to read books to her in bed. I never thought she'd have the attention span for it, so this has been so great. I hope she grows up loving books as much as I did, but I don't have any expectations, so I'm just happy with whatever she wants.
Levi has been busy with work and is hopefully going to be moving to a bigger shop soon. If the deal happens, Levi's retail business will increase, which would hopefully bring in more money for us. We've been getting by these last three months, but just barely. It would be nice to have some breathing room.
We will be going down to Utah next week for a quick weekend visit. Laurie and her girls will be watching the kids on Saturday so Levi and I can have a day date to Salt Lake. We want to go to the church history museum and other historic sites. I don't know if we'll have enough time to do a temple session, but we'd love to if we can. I love learning about the early days of the church and I appreciate how rich in history Salt Lake is.
Heather took some pictures of the kids with my mom a couple of weeks ago and they turned out AMAZING! She is such a talented photographer and she really captures looks and angles that I never would have thought of. Thank you, Heather!
August has been growing like crazy and had a good 4 month checkup appointment. He is in the 65th percentile for height and weight and is as wild as ever. He can scoot all over the room and doesn't know how to cuddle or stay still. He naps whenever I can trick him into falling asleep, and he still wakes up a couple of times in the night, but overall he is a fun baby and we adore any minute we get to spend with him.
I have been having some weight struggles. I had all but 10 pounds of the baby weight come off fairly quickly, but now I've regained my voracious appetite and I've put on five more pounds. Food is something I rely on to cheer me up and there's nothing I love more than eating with loved ones, so I either need to go to the gym WAY more than I've been going, or I need to *sigh* go on a diet. I know I can do it, I just don't want to! But then again...it'd be nice to have my pants fit!
I have so much more I want to say, but don't have the time to blog anymore. Hopefully I can write again in the next month!

August Gordon

In all the hustle and bustle of life, I realized that I haven't really done a dedicated post about little August! August is three months old now and I can't believe this time next year he'll be running around! It's crazy how much happens in the first year of life.
My delivery with August was a dream. It was the easiest, most wonderful delivery and I am very thankful for that because if I had another delivery that was as long and insane as Hadley's I would have killed myself. August's due date was May 4, 2014, but my awesome Dr. Klomp agreed to induce me at 39 weeks 1 day because of my delivery problems with Hadley. I really didn't think I would make it to that day because I had been dilated since 36.5 weeks. I was so swollen, and so freaking uncomfortable. I couldn't wear shoes and my face looked like I had been stung by a bee. I couldn't wait to be induced, and even tried some tricks of my own to kick start labor. (Just about everything besides castor oil...)
The morning of April 28th arrived and Levi and I got to check in to St. Luke's labor and delivery. My amazing sister Laurie and two of her girls were able to come up the day before and knowing they were going to be there to see August right away made me so happy. We got checked into our room and met our awesome nurse. Her name was Heather and we found out that she was also LDS. Having an LDS nurse and doctor was great.
Around 8:45 they broke my water and found that the baby was super low and just about ready to come out. I hadn't felt any pain at that point but I knew that he was going to come quick and I was worried that I wouldn't have requested my epidural in time. Around 9:10 I started to have regular contractions, which weren't bad at all. After the back labor with Hadley, I feel like I can handle anything! I got my epidural around 9:30 and it was AMAZING. I told the anesthesiologist about my issues the first time (I had a really bad reaction to the lidocaine and was 100% numb on my left side and my lower half. It was very scary.) She took care of me and gave me the best epidural. I had full movement, just no pain. The epidural also gave me a little bit of a buzz and I think I was saying some dumb things, but I can't remember now.
My mother-in-law Maria and my sis-in-law Avery were able to visit with me for a while and then everyone from my family came to visit too, and eventually the rest of Levi's family was there. It was just a nice, relaxing open house! The weather was beautiful and the big windows in the room made the room sunny and cheerful. Around 11:25 I felt like I needed to go the bathroom, the sign that it's time to push. It wasn't painful at all and I was so thankful that this was going so well. The nurse checked me and made a quick call to the incredible Dr. Klomp, who told her, "Don't push! I'll be right there!" He came running from his office across the street and I told him I was doing my best to hold the baby off. Even though everything was progressing so well, I still had a fear that I would have to push for hours and hours like my last delivery, so I was so pleased when he told me he thought it'd be before noon! That was in 20 minutes! Sure enough, I only had to do 3 or 4 sets of pushes (3 ten second pushes with each set) and at 11:59am our GORGEOUS baby boy was born!
The very first thing I thought was how beautiful and perfectly formed he was, the second thought was, "Where is his hair!?" I never in my wildest dreams would have thought I'd have a bald baby! Hadley had black hair at birth and with this baby also being 1/4 Mexican, I thought there'd at least be SOME hair! Ok, he did have a little bit of hair, and as soon as the light hit it, we all saw that it is RED! So excited at the thought of possibly having a redhead. Who knows, maybe it will change, but that first day it was as red as a rose.
August weighed 8lbs 3 oz and was 20.5 inches long. He had an adorable little cry the first day and we couldn't believe how sweet he was!
I only stayed in the hospital the one night (I HATE being away from home, even if I do get to eat the yummy room service they have at the hospital.) Hadley was fairly uninterested in August while we were in the hospital, which is what we assumed she would be like. I knew that it would be harder once we got home.
On the 29th, we took August home and that's when his fussiness started kicking in. The poor little guy had acid reflux so bad, but we didn't know, we just thought he was super cranky. After several doctor appointments, including an ER visit when he was five days old, we got him on some medicine and a good formula. That whole process did take a month and it is definitely a month you couldn't pay me to revisit. I will just focus on how incredible he is now!

Photo of August at 1 month old

Here are some August-at-three-months Factoids:
-He still loves being held ALL the time! That boy loves to be swaddled up and snuggled. I love looking at him all bundled up with his little binky in his mouth. So precious!
-August is an amazing traveler. Just like his sister, he really enjoys being in the car.
-His hair is starting to come in more and, while not as red as it was the first couple of months, it definitely still has a red tint to it.
-He is very active. He can roll to his stomach with almost no assistance and has flipped back to his back once. He also loves being held up so he can "walk".
-He is vocal and coos and blows loud raspberries.
-At church, he likes to be held up and will stare at people until they look over at him and then he'll break into a huge smile.
-He is on a great schedule (knock on freaking wood!) where he only gets up once during the night, usually somewhere between 3-4am, eats a quick bottle, and then falls right back asleep. I finally feel sane again!
-Hadley likes to lie on the floor with him and hold his hand. She really does think he's pretty cool and I can't wait until he can start following her around.
-He still loves feeling the sun on his face and it has been wonderful being able to take him in the backyard many times throughout the day.

August at 3 months.

32 years old.

It's my 32nd birthday tomorrow. I don't feel anxiety about this yet...everything from 30 on up has felt the same. It's funny how I used to look at my sisters when they hit their thirties and I felt like they knew it all and had all their crap together (I still think they do) and now I'm 32 and feel like I just graduated high school and am still an idiot in most grown-up things.

So, to keep up with the juvenile mentality, I am going to list 32 random things.

1. Summer is the best. May through August is my absolute happiest time. If you talk to me in January I resemble Gollum.
2. Costume dramas are awesome. Nothing beats a man in a cravat.
3. I like to shame myself by weighing myself at night and then I like to pat myself on the back when I weigh myself in the morning and it's slightly less. I know this is stupid...but I can't help it.
4. Sundays are the best day of the week. Getting dressed up, going to church, chatting with friends, going home and eating a delicious meal, baking something yummy, lounging around, going for a bike ride, visiting with family, etc. It's the best.
5. Having children is something that has made me feel like both a warrior and a wuss. Some days I think, "I gave birth and my children are incredible and I'm an AMAZING mother!" and some days I think, "Who the hell thought I could do this?"
6. When Hadley looks me in the eyes and gives me a hug I almost die. It's so euphoric.
7. I never had friends as an adult until the last year. Now I don't know what I'd do without them. I like telling stories and saying, "My friend..."
8. I know that skin cancer is a very real thing, but I still can't help laying out as much as possible. I pride myself in knowing the best kind of sun, best time of day, best smelling lotion, etc. The crappy thing is that my tan fades by mid-September every single year.
9. This is the first year I won't get anxiety when I hear Christmas music. Even though we'll be too poor to buy Christmas gifts, I can't wait to celebrate the season by not working retail!
10. Before we had kids, I think Levi and I saw over 200 movies in the theater together. I've tried to do the math, but I know we pretty much saw everything that had a score of over 70% on Rotten Tomatoes.
11. I think I want to learn how to snowboard again. I wasn't very good at it, but I don't want that to stop me.
12. Levi and I are so comfortable around each other and I think this is because he accidentally farted in front of me on our second date and I got horrible diarrhea somewhere around our fourth or fifth date. I made him run a red light to get me home and then leapt from the car when we got to my apartment screaming, "Don't follow me in! Stay in the car!!" So much for mystery.
13. I know everyone thinks their grandparents are the best, but mine really were! I miss them both so much.
14. When I look at photos on Facebook or Instagram, I get jealous when people's houses are so clean in the background. Like a picture of a baby in a bedroom and there's nothing scattered on the ground or falling off the shelves in the background. We have a clutter problem and I still don't know how to fix it.
15. If you want to be in a good mood, listen to The Killers Pandora channel. That Brandon Flowers tho.
16. I read in the bathtub until the water gets cold or my interest in the book runs out. My goal for this year was to read 15 books and I think I was at 11 last time I checked. I still get giddy looking in the library or a bookstore.
17. I like to make notes on my phone when I'm in church and I hear something inspiring. I hope people don't think I'm sitting there texting, although I do that too.
18. Nothing beats a good podcast. Levi turned me onto "How Did This Get Made?" where a group of comedians dissect terrible movies.
19. The next three entries will be my favorite desserts:
20. BT cake (chocolate cake with thick chocolate frosting) and a bowl of vanilla ice cream, especially when the cake is still warm and slightly melts the ice cream.
21. S'mores brownies. My friend Dani turned me on to these and I've made them three times in the past month. We eat the whole pan in one day and the smell that it makes when baking is out of sight.
22. Lemonade pie (take a can of frozen lemonade and mix slightly over half of it with vanilla ice cream. Put that on graham cracker crust and freeze. Delicious!)
23. I am working at not staring at my phone so much every day, but interesting things are always happening and I like to be "in the know."
24. Nothing smells better than Coppertone sunblock. Nothing.
25. My mom is awesome and has defended me more than I have ever deserved.
26. I consider myself a bit of a "name-ologist" and spend lots of time studying baby names and trends. I can tell you all sorts of weird trends and name information. I wish this translated into a real-life skill.
27. I envy Levi so much for his simple wardrobe. He can close his eyes and pick out any shirt and any pant and he looks great. Girls who look good in t-shirts are so lucky. My boobs prevent this.
28. I regret all but a couple of my tattoos. I can't wait to lecture young whippersnappers about the idiocy of tattoos.
29. I get panicked when I think about the distant future, like retirement stuff. My mind immediately shuts down when I think about how we're going to help our kids pay for college (spoiler alert: we won't! They'll have to get scholarships!)
30. If you visit Boise and you don't want to move here, you're crazy. It's the best.
31. Sometimes I still want to move.
32. I am incredibly blessed and I can't believe all the blessings Heavenly Father has given me. I have a great husband, beautiful kids, a house, cars that run (for now), family, friends, and a million other things I am thankful for.

Stressed.

A few months ago, I told Levi that I was nervous because our life was going so well. Most people would just enjoy the trial-free time, but I have a gross habit of anticipating the worst and I knew that life wouldn't stay easy breezy for too long. I was right!

**Let me stop and emphasize here that everything I'm about to say does NOT mean that I'm not grateful for all that I have. I'm also aware that my issues are VERY first world and not all that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things.**

August has been a very hard baby from the get-go. As I mentioned before, most of his issues were because of acid reflux that we're treating and he's pretty much mellowed out, but these first two months have been rough. When we brought August home from the hospital, Hadley had a very hard time with him. He screamed. A lot. And it scared Hadley. She would hide in other rooms and spend the day with anxiety on her face. I was going through my own version of the baby blues and felt so bad for my little girl and for the fact that I couldn't comfort August. It was most definitely the bleakest month I can remember. Now that Hadley is used to him, she thinks he's funny and tries to hold his hand or feed him the bottle. Such a sweet sister.

Since August was born, Hadley and August have been trading sicknesses. We haven't made it 10 days without one or both of them needing to visit the doctor. I turned in my notice at Barnes and Noble and my last day is July 19th, which means our awesome, cheap insurance ends that day too. We will do a short term policy until August 1st and then our expensive policy starts that day. I have done a lot of fasting and prayer to know what to do about my work and I have no doubt that I'm supposed to stay home with the kids, it's just very scary to lose my income. We are going to try our hardest and see if we can make it, otherwise I'll have to get a part time job (which wouldn't be the worst thing, but I'm really hoping it doesn't come to that.) Getting Hadley's paperwork for her Katie Beckett waiver and now applying for disability for her have turned into a full time job. She'll be starting therapy again in the next couple of months and I know that will take up another huge chunk of time. I appreciate being able to be home with the kids to help with these things, I'm just starting to feel a little disconnected. I can't take both of them anywhere because Hadley struggles staying put in public. What ends up happening is I will wait until Levi gets home from work and then I'll take one kid and leave one kid with him so I can run errands. What this means is that Levi and I have little-to-no time together. We spend 30 uninterrupted minutes a day together and I'm starting to feel the strain. Hopefully we can fix it soon.

In the past month I've tried my best to stay chipper during the following events:
-Hadley's ear infection, which included her ear drum bursting and me almost fainting when I saw blood coming out of her ear. (This also included the absolute BIGGEST meltdown you've ever seen at the doctor's office. Honestly, it was scary.)
-August getting croup and us having to take him to the ER. This was the second ER trip since he was born. We are starting to recognize some of their staff!
-Unsuccessfully potty training Hadley (we've made progress, but my goal is to be mostly done by the time she returns to school at the end of August.)
-Our hot water heater having issues...no idea what they are, but I'm guessing we either need a new one or need to spend lots of money to fix this one.
-Ditto the air conditioner in our house that is leaking Freon.
-Our cat getting sick and needing a stupid $80 shot that brings him back to life.
-The insurance agent incorrectly telling me that $650 would be pulled from my account on August 1st and instead pulled it that day, causing me to overdraft.

The worst day so far was probably the 4th of July. I went into Hadley's room to find that she had EXPLODED. I mean, diarrhea everywhere. Poor Hadley. I took her downstairs and just after breakfast she exploded everywhere again. August was super fussy the whole day, not wanting to be put down. I got a call from Levi who said that his car had died on the freeway, and we still don't know how much it will cost to fix it. He had to be towed. Before he was done working (which he was doing on his day off...) Hadley decided to stick a rock up her nose. I couldn't get it, so we had to take her into an Instacare place, since all the offices were closed for the 4th. The doctor told us if he couldn't get it he would have to send us to the ER and they'd have to give her ketamine to sedate her. Luckily he had a steady hand and, with us holding her down, he got it. It was a big rock!

Hadley has had the explosive diarrhea ever since and today we took her into the doc to get tested for giardia. That means I had to "provide a sample." Luckily she completely exploded last night and it was all over her bed, sheets, clothes, hair, etc. so it wasn't too hard to "get a sample."
I have cleaned up so much poo in the last 5 days my hands are raw and chaffed from scrubbing them. I don't even freak out any more when I see the poo. It's just like, "Oh, at least it's not on the walls."

Ugh. I know what I'm going through doesn't sound like that much, but it seems like a lot because it's happened in such a short amount of time. I am still dealing with the baby blues, and I'm still so stressed about Hadley's progress. I'm trying to "go with the flow" but that is not something that is natural for me. I think in just a few short months we will look back on this and laugh, but we're not there yet.

One last thing: we spend our entire year looking forward to our Redfish Lake trip, but this year I'm having to cut it short by one day (we'll stay there 2 nights instead of 3) because taking the kids to Utah was just too stressful for me to do it again for that long. It's really hard with both of them still in diapers, Hadley being a picky eater, both of them having a hard time falling asleep when they're not home, etc. As long as it doesn't rain while we're up there I'll be happy. If it rains, I may have a mini breakdown and have a good cry alone in the mountains. Dramatic, yes, but that's the way it is.

To cheer me up, I like to watch this cute video of Mr. Auggie talking. He's silly. Hadley's silly too. I love them both, truly.


Oh, today is my 9 year anniversary and in two days it's my 32nd birthday. I honestly don't care about either one right now, so I think Levi and I will just eat some brownies and call it good.

My next post will be much, much happier! I promise!!

Our Sealing and August's Baby Blessing

Long post: Read if you want to. If you don't, I understand!

I think I've been putting off writing this post because I don't know how to put anything into actual words. I'm not a great writer and I'm even worse at turning strong feelings into sentences.
On Saturday, June 21, 2014 Levi and I were sealed as husband and wife for time and eternity in the Salt Lake Temple. After we were sealed, our beautiful children were brought in and sealed to us as well, making our family complete.
We drove down on Thursday, leaving the house at 10am and arriving at my Aunt Bonnie's house at 7pm. That's right. A trip that used to take the two of us 4.75 hours has turned into 8 hours with the addition of two kids. I know some of you know my pain. At least we were traveling in relative luxury in our new (used) minivan! I LOVE how much room is in that thing! The kids each have their own seat and we weren't squished to death with bags, books, etc. Our kids are fantastic travelers. Hadley chatted, watched movies, read, played with her stuffed animal, and looked out the big windows. She honestly likes the road trip and I'm so glad we never have to worry about her having a meltdown on the way to or from Utah. She even knows the Maverick gas station in Burley where we gas up and get snacks. (By the way, that place has the worst bathrooms, so we've taken to going next door to the Wendy's...a far superior commode.) August slept just about the entire way, only waking up to cry when we got stuck in a traffic jam in Tremonton.
That night, we ate at a yummy BBQ joint near Bonnie's and then spent the night exploring Bonnie's gorgeous new house. It's beautiful and pretty much meets all my criteria for a dream home: views, huge theater, giant soaker tub, not one but two wraparound patios, etc. It's also on a golf course and we had fun watching terrible golfers. Not that I'm any good, but still.
Friday we spent the day hanging out with family and trying to eat as much as possible. In N Out becomes a priority when we're there, as does soda. Utah knows how to do soda. Dozens of flavors, great calibration (it matters!) and delicious crushed ice. My sister Laurie taught me that 3/4 diet Mountain Dew with 1/4 Code Red Mountain Dew is the recipe to stick with. Too bad we have nothing like that up here in I-dee-ho.
Saturday finally arrived and I spent the morning feeling excited and antsy. I was a little nervous, but mostly about not making it there on time or messing something up. I can't really describe the feeling of knowing that in a few hours I was going to be sealed to the man that I loved. It felt a lot like my wedding day. Laurie helped me with my hair (having four girls has made her a hair expert) and then the house went crazy with people running around getting ready and trying to get out the door on time. Laurie and Justin were our escorts a came und came up early with us, with the rest of the family arriving about an hour later.
We went to the check-in place and the little lady assigned to help us was a hoot. I think she was about 105 years old and was slightly confused about what was going on. We ended up politely taking over and she just showed us where to go. While we were checking in, another guy with a ton of visible tattoos was also checking in and it was very cool to see. He had his hands and neck tattooed and Levi and I were excited to know we weren't the only two people there that day with lots of visible tattoos.
We took the kids to the child care center. They have a bunch of nice ladies working there who help get the kids dressed and ready and entertain them until the time comes to take them to us. Hadley was happy to be there and I think August was asleep during his time there. It was fun seeing other kids there, knowing that their parents were as giddy as we were. I breathed a sigh of relief knowing that Hadley and August would be fine and I could focus on my time with Levi.
To respect the beautiful and sacred traditions of the temple, I won't go into any super specific details about anything, so I'm sorry if it sounds vague. (If you have questions, you can always ask me!) Levi and I got ready and met up to go into the Celestial room. (June 21st was the last day the temple was going to be open for six weeks and it was also a Saturday, so about 8000 brides were running around in the dressing rooms. Seriously, it was a complete mad house. I had to laugh at how stressed some of them looked, especially since I've already been married 9 years, so I was like the old maid there.) With all the craziness happening in the dressing rooms I was so glad to see Levi again and spend about 40 minutes of absolute peace and quiet with him. If I tried to describe the beauty of the celestial room in the Salt Lake Temple, I would fail. It's just too incredible. On a secular level, the architecture and design are just insanely great. On a spiritual level...well I just can't even say.
The time finally came where we got to enter the sealing room and see our friends and family. Again, I won't go into details, but looking around and seeing everyone there was so great and I didn't even cry, until I saw Elder Womack, who is now Michael Womack, since he got off his mission over a year ago. Seeing the man who was one of the two missionaries responsible for getting Levi into the church made me choke up with happiness and love. The other missionary was Elder Skyler Smith, who is still serving here in Boise and was able to be at the temple with us in Boise the week before.
Levi and I had our sealing ceremony and then they brought our beautiful kids to us. Backing up, I had spent a lot of time praying that Hadley and August would be fine and would not cry or act crazy and I realize now how dumb that was because my kids are going to be my kids, which means August screamed the whole time, including in the hallway for all the other couples getting married to hear (haha!) and Hadley was being grumpy in the hall too, until the nice ladies gave her saltine crackers. When I saw sweet Hadley enter the room, she looked like an angel. Her white dress and her hair that Laurie had done earlier were so perfect and I will never, ever forget that image...especially with her holding a cracker in each hand! Everything from there moved quick, which was best with August fussing and crying. I love my kids. Seriously.
After it was over, we went back to our dressing rooms and met to pick the kids back up from the children's center. When we stepped outside I noticed two things:
1. that there was an overwhelming aroma of gardenias, which is one of my favorite smells in the whole world.
2. that it was about 150 degrees outside! My makeup instantly tried to slide off my face.
Because it was so crazy and because Hadley was getting crabby (the heat combined with her only having a short nap on the drive to SLC made for a cranky toddler) we didn't take too long on pictures. My wonderful cousin Katie (who's fabulous blog isHERE) took lots of great pictures. I'm still waiting for some of them that were taken by someone else, so as soon as I have them, I'll upload them here.
After the pictures, we walked back to the car and drove off, until we realized Levi's phone was missing and was, of course, on silent. We drove back to the parking lot where we found it on top of the van's roof. Phew! That would have been a disaster to lose!
My mom, Laurie, Bonnie, and Heather did a great job with the lunch after the sealing. They made tons of salads and desserts and then we BBQed hot dogs.
The next day, Sunday, we held August's baby blessing in Laurie's living room. It was incredible. This was the first time Levi got to exercise his priesthood authority and if this blessing was any indication, he possesses so much power. August was blessed by Levi, with Justin, Zane, Scott, Curt, and Brother Adams from Laurie's ward.
Levi blessed August with the strength of his ancestors to be steadfast in the Lord's work. He blessed him that he would be a friend and a comfort to his sister Hadley. He blessed him that he would be a missionary to all of those around him. It was absolutely incredible. August looked so sweet in his white clothes.
It was hard after this spiritual weekend to pack up and leave, but it's nice to get back home and back into the daily rhythm, although this time we were going back as an eternal family and our hearts are filled with more love and hope than ever before.
Thank you to all of you who had a hand it getting us to this point. Anyone reading this blog was definitely involved and one of these days I will get around to telling you face to face how much I appreciate it.
I know the gospel is true and I know that Levi and I are on a path to live together forever and I can't wait to share our experiences with others out there.

Michael Womack with us. He is getting married at the end of July to a wonderful girl.

Updates: Temple, Kids, etc.

Yesterday Levi and I got to take out our endowments at the Boise temple. We will be getting sealed on June 21, 2014 in the Salt Lake temple, but we felt it was important to take our first temple trip in our hometown. My sweet inlaws watched the kids and when we came home I don't think they even cared. Hadley could play with her Papa Brad and Grandma JuJu all day! The temple was absolutely incredible. I truly don't have words to describe how amazing it was and I'm so happy that my sweet husband feels the same way. We had our closest friends from the ward and Heather and Zane and my mom there. It was great to look around the room and see all the people who had a hand in getting us to this point. I absolutely cannot wait for next week when we are sealed as an eternal family in the same temple that my parents went through. I didn't quite know what to expect, no matter how many temple prep classes we took, but I found that it wasn't overwhelming, but actually fun. We all smiled a lot and had more fun than I ever pictured us having. The love felt between those walls was intense. Levi and my conversion has been something that has completely changed our lives. We were perfectly happy before, but now we are experiencing the kind of joy I never thought was possible. To have little Hadley and August with us as we share this time together is even better! I love our little family of four and it's so exciting to think that we can be together forever!

Sorry Mom! (My mom hates this pic of herself, but I love my family and this day was so important, so she's just going to have to deal with it!

My dear friend Dani Grigg. She and her husband were some of the first people to befriend Levi and me, well before Levi ever showed interest in joining the church. I loved having them at the temple with us, as well as several other of our ward friends.


As far as the rest of our life goes, we are having a great summer! Hadley finished preschool the first week of June and I'm sure she's excited to return in August. She is attending the developmental preschool at the elementary school about a mile from our house and she absolutely loves it. Her teachers are so dedicated and I'm worried that hanging out with me all summer will cause her to backslide! I know I never updated the blog to explain what's going on with her, so I'll do a quick rundown now: At the end of March, Hadley was officially diagnosed with autism (ASD). She appears to be high functioning, so we are thankful for that. I am working on getting her approved for a waiver that would help pay for therapies so she can continue to receive speech and occupational therapy. In my heart I know she'll be fine, but sometimes I feel stressed and worry that I'm not doing everything I can for her. We had a couple of very rough weeks when we first brought Baby August home. Hadley was overwhelmed with the changes, and especially when he would cry (which was often!) Hadley has a strong sound sensitivity and during that time she would cover her ears and run upstairs, slam a door, and play in our room while August cried it out. She is SO much better now (thanks to many, many prayers from us and loved ones!) and she truly enjoys her little brother now. She laughs at him, holds his hand, hugs him, etc. I was so worried that her autism would cause her to be completely disinterested in her little brother, but I see now that she'll be just fine as far as that's concerned. Woo hoo!
Hadley seems to be showing a strong talent with letters and numbers and can sight read so many words. She memorizes things after one or two viewings (books, tv shows, songs, etc.) and we are amazed at her skills with written words. I hope she'll always be a voracious reader...that is a hobby I will gladly financially support!

Sneaking into her brother's excersaucer is funny!

Hadley loves the Little Golden Book "Little Mommy" and I think she's taking cues on how to be tender from it. So sweet!

Little August is a delight. He was a very fussy baby the first 4 weeks and we found that this was mostly due to acid reflux. We have tried five formulas and the one that he is on now seems to be doing the trick, along with his prescription for Zantac. He is very strong and already holds his head up all by himself at 6 weeks old! He is trying to roll over and likes to stand up straight and look all around him. His sleeping habits are much better now and we usually get two 3.5-4 hour chunks of him sleeping each night. He is just starting to coo and looks so sweet with his bald (!) head. He of course prefers to be held, but he does well in his carseat and doesn't mind his bouncer as much as he did a few weeks ago. When he's fussy, I take him outside and let the sun and a breeze hit his face and he calms right down. He also loves being walked in his baby bjorn and we love putting Hadley in the jogger and going for a nightly walk as a family. We have a snow cone shack a few blocks from our house and it has been fun spending that time walking as a family to get a treat. August appears to be a redhead and we can't wait to see how his eyes and hair turn out. He's a handsome, squishy boy and I can't imagine life without him! We look forward to this year where he will grow and change with each passing day. Love you, Auggie!


I will do my best to post soon after our trip to Salt Lake. I can't wait to see all our friends and family down there. Levi is also going to bless August while we are there and I am so excited for him to exercise his priesthood power. I am so blessed...seriously I don't know how I got so lucky.

He's Here!

I only have a second to type this (hopefully I can do a long post soon with all the details) but our sweet little guy is finally here!
August Gordon Gates was born at 11:59am on April 28, 2014. He weighed in at 8.3 pounds and 20.5 inches of perfection. We love him! Hadley is adjusting and will hopefully be used to her little brother soon. I do love hearing her call him "Baby August." My labor and delivery was quick and awesome and I'm just so happy our family of four is complete!

38 Weeks?!

I made it! I never thought I would have made it to 38 weeks with this kiddo, especially because I had the same preterm issues with him that I did with Hadders. That said, I'm now REALLY ready for him to come. With Hadley, my labor at 36 weeks started on a Friday and I had her on Saturday, so even though the actual delivery took a long time, the whole process came on so quick. This one is way different. I've been having strong braxton hicks contractions all week, I keep dilating, my abdomen is so sore, my feet are so swollen I can't contemplate shoes, etc. I even lost my MP (which I refuse to spell out in a blog, seriously the grossest word in all of pregnancy terms...) last Monday and STILL no labor! Ughhhh. I have an appointment with my OB again tomorrow to see what's going on. He can't technically induce me until I hit 39 weeks, but he said he didn't think I'd make it that far, since I was at 4 cm the day before yesterday. I'd like to believe him, but I don't know! Maybe this kid is just really cozy! My main concern is avoiding a c-section. With Hadley as routine-driven as she is, I CAN'T be in the hospital for 5 day. I'll go nuts and it will really throw her off. I told the doctor he could use any method necessary to help me avoid a c-section. We came close to a c-section with Hadley and she was only 6lbs 6 oz and my doc says this kid is much bigger than that...
In other news (hahahahaa) it's Easter! I really wanted to go to church today, but I slept terribly last night and we went for a long walk yesterday that made my back and pelvis super sore, so I decided to stay home and Levi took Hadders. He is such a good dad. Seriously, I lucked out. After they get home, we'll be at the Gates' Easter party and hopefully Hadley does well with the Easter egg hunt. She loves seeing her grandparents, cousins, and aunts and uncles.
I have so enjoyed this time with Hadley these past few months. Bed rest was such a blessing and I just marvel at the time I've got to spend with my little girl. I really do believe that she'll be okay with the baby. It might take some adjusting (and some spoiling by Grandma Katie, of course) but she'll be a great big sister. I bought her a used doll house and it's so interesting watching her play with the mommy, daddy, and baby figurines. She's a natural caregiver and constantly has the mommy doll giving the baby doll hugs and tucking the baby into bed. Isn't it funny how girls are naturally so gentle? I mean, she has her moments of non-gentleness, but overall, she's such a sweetheart.
Well, I'm going to bounce on my giant yoga/birthing ball and hope that something happens...
Happy Easter!

Fresh Perspective about Easter

For years and years, Easter had no meaning for me, other than a fun spring day that was usually spent with family. This year, as I'm working on understanding just how amazing the Atonement is, I am looking at it with a fresh set of eyes. This two minute video, which was made by the LDS church, but is simply about Christ, summed it all up for me. I can't believe how hard I cried the first time I watched this. Even Levi was nearly speechless.

Slow Down: Part 2

Once again I have a baby who is wanting to come early. Today at my OB appointment, my doc found that I am dilated to a 1.5 and 60% effaced. I am 35 weeks and 1 day today. When I was pregnant with Hadley, I was 35 weeks 3 days when I was dilated to a 5 with Hadley, so this isn't quite as bad, but still makes me nervous. I'm not sure what my body has against making it to 40 weeks. I really want to be done being pregnant, but this little tater needs to cook just a little bit longer. My goal is to make it until the 15th-20th of April. That would be longer than I was pregnant with Hadley but still early for my May 4th due date.
If I could ask you guys to include us in your prayers and thoughts, that would be great! I'm nervous about the baby boy coming this early, even though I'm pretty sure my body is just trying to do what's right.
Thanks!
PS I know nobody really reads this, so maybe I just need to explain this on Facebook...haha!

March Post

I would have thought that being on bed rest would mean I'd have more time to blog, but I was WRONG! That's okay though, I have thoroughly been enjoying my time. I started having contractions around 23 weeks and my OB at the time really shrugged me off, even though he knew my history with Hadley arriving so early and being on bed rest during the last pregnancy. I had a bad feeling about him and switched to the wonderful Dr. Klomp and have been so happy. He's actually our stake's patriarch and he gave Levi his amazing patriarchal blessing this summer. When I met with him in his office, I told him how we were surprised in Levi's blessing that he said we would have more children. I told him that at the time, we were "on hold" and were convinced we weren't going to be able to conceive again and it was later that month that I got pregnant. He seemed genuinely touched by this and said he was going to write that down in his journal. Anyway, Dr. Klomp agreed that me being on my feet, running around, lifting heavy books and tables, and bending up and down for 9 hours a day wasn't the best thing and placed me on bed rest. I've been very careful, not lifting Hadley too much and getting plenty of time off my feet and I can feel the difference. I think this pregnancy will go longer than the last one...I just hope it doesn't go TOO long!

Levi has been so busy at work. January and February were slower months, as they are in his industry, but he was still busy. This month has been nuts and he works 11-12 hour days and often goes in on Saturdays to do even more. His work ethic blows me away. He truly loves working and gets a high out of seeing a job well done. I am so proud of him. He's getting to a point where he may be able to bring on even more help. When he started a year and half ago, it was only him. Now it's him, his full time guy Matt (who is so awesome), and his stepbrother Seth helping part time. We are so blessed. Sometimes I think we can't be any more blessed and then we are.

Hadley finished up with her infant/toddler therapy this month because she turned three. She was accepted to the developmental preschool and started that this last week. She only went to 2 days because of spring break starting, but the teachers said she did wonderful and is going to fit right in. There were tears on both of our parts, but we got over it quickly. I'm hesitant about sending her on the bus, but I can see that after the baby comes it will be tricky trying to get her there and back within three hours in the morning. Hadley cried for about three minutes on both of the days, but was quick to recover once the teachers brought her to the room. The teachers take pics throughout the day and once a week they update a blog so we can see what the little ones are up to. So sweet! I'm trying to decide what to do about Hadley's speech/occupational therapy through the private place we take her too. I'm starting to lose my enthusiasm for the way they handle it--basically they let her play with stuff for an hour...stuff I could do at home...and it costs a fortune. Maybe I'll have a meeting to reevaluate our goals.

Enjoying her first day of school!
We had Hadley meet with a nice pediatrician in Meridian (and we also have an appointment set up with a developmental pediatrician on the 31st of this month) and the Meridian pediatrician said he definitely saw some things in Hadley that would make him lean towards getting her evaluated for autism. Since they don't really use the term Aspergers anymore, he let us know that she would probably land in the "high functioning" autism range and not to worry too much. I'm honestly not worried. If this is meant to be our struggle, so be it. The funny thing about Autism, is people think that it's overdiagnosed because it's so common these days, but what they don't realize is that it's ALWAYS been around, it's only now that we're able to identify and diagnosis it so quick. All those guys working at NASA in the 50s? Probably autistic. All the best engineers at Micron near our home? Probably the same thing. We are so excited to see how we can help her give her all the tools to succeed.

One of the best things that I've decided in these last couple of months is to let go of all expectations regarding Hadley and it has been a very calming thing. I start to think things like, "Okay, in a few months I need to get her signed up for Irish dance" and then I remember that she may not be able to handle something like that and to just go with the flow. It's my role to give her the love she needs to understand that we are here for her and want her to be as happy as possible.

At the end of February, my sister and my aunt threw me a great baby shower in Utah. We had so much fun spending the weekend eating, playing, and relaxing. The shower was awesome and we got completely spoiled with great gifts, most of them adorable little baby clothes that I can't wait to see our guy wear. It was fun seeing all my cousins and aunts and I was touched at how close our family is, even with it being 200 members strong!

I didn't get any pics of my shower except this one and a couple of blurry shots.
On March 4th, my sweet Grandpa Allen passed away and we came down for the funeral. When my Grandma Allen passed away in June 2011, I thought my Grandpa would quickly follow her, as their 67 year marriage was so full of love and we couldn't imagine him away from her. He held on though and kept a good attitude, despite desperately missing his love. Finally last month he started to have his health decline and when he got a bout of pneumonia we knew he was probably nearing the end of his 90 years. He passed away peacefully and I get emotional thinking about him joining my sweet Grandma, as well as the savior, and starting his next mission in the afterlife. I am so lucky that I knew these two. My Grandma and Grandpa were incredible. Their biographies are something I can't wait to show my kids and if I only end up a tenth as successful in being a mother and member of the church as they were, I'll be happy!

Hadley turned three on March 19th and we had such a fun party for her the following Saturday. Levi's family and my family came over for pizza and cake and ice cream and we just had a good time. Hadley loves the attention she gets from everyone and was in full show-off mode. She received so many great gifts and is still on a high. I love how close our families are and I hope Hadley never forgets how loved she is by everyone.

Pretty much the only thing we bought her was this bubble gun. She loves it! Besides, she was totally spoiled by everyone else!

We are anxious and excited for the birth of our little boy. I don't feel like I'm ready, but does anyone ever feel "ready"? We don't have a name picked out and I fear this guy may go a couple of days without one until we figure it out. His nursery is 75% done and I just need to round up a few essential things, but other than that I think we'll be ok. I am terrified at how Hadley will react, but we will just pray that she will love him and will not feel left out or anxious. I love her so much that I can't imagine being able to love a second child that much, but everyone tells me that my heart will double. I can't even remember what it felt like to not have a child. I know I was happy, but the love that I feel when I look at her is unreal. It also makes me love Levi so much more. He is an amazing dad and I seriously don't know why he puts up with me.

Getting the little guy's room ready.
Well, this was longer than I thought it'd be so I'll wrap up by saying that things are good, we are happy, we are hopeful, and we are blessed.
Love you all!

Oh yeah, Levi had a birthday too! Funny how much our own birthdays fall by the wayside once we have kids...