I've been wanting to write my account of Hadley's birth this whole week, but, as is to be expected, I haven't had the time!
It all started on St. Patrick's Day, one of my most favorite holidays, with general discomfort. A few days before that, I found out that I was already dilated to a four, so I knew that she'd be coming early and I thought it'd be funny if I went into labor while we were listening to the bagpipers. Luckily that didn't happen, but I think the bagpipers got little Hadley excited and started the labor process.
Friday the 18th rolled around and I was so uncomfortable all day. My lower back ached all day and I also had cramping. I didn't exactly know this was early labor, I just thought it was part of the third trimester. I called my OB and asked if they would recommend I take anything to stop labor, if that's what was happening, and she said because I had barely made it to the 36th week she wouldn't do anything to stop the process. This scared me because I had a huge fear of delivering a tiny preemie who would have to spend her first few weeks in the NICU. I spent so much of Friday praying that she could hold on and not come for a few weeks. How little I knew of her plans!
Throughout the day I had been calling Levi at work and letting him know what I was feeling. He was so calm and reassuring and he kept reminding me that, "You're a Gates, everything always works out for you." This is the Gates' family motto and it's always comforting to me when Levi says it.
My mom and I had been working on a puzzle all day and it was a nice distraction for the back pain I was feeling. By the time Levi got off work I knew that I was having back labor and I was miserable. That puzzle, combined with movie watching (I watched the Disney version of The Jungle Book and Troop Beverly Hills, I must have been feeling sentimental!) were the only thing that made me feel better. Around 7:00pm that night, Levi left with his dad and Julie to go buy our video camera at Costco. We had been joking that if he didn't get it that night we might not have the camera at her birth. Around this time, Levi and my mom recommended I start timing my back pain to see if there was any pattern. Low and behold I found that I was having severe back pain every seven to ten minutes, for thirty to sixty seconds. Duh! I was in labor.
I held out until about 11:30pm when Levi finally said, "That's it. Pack up, we're going to the hospital." At this point the back pain was happening every three minutes and lasting sixty seconds each time. I was so terrified. I was scared of the pain, scared of the baby coming early, scared of the possiblity of being sent home from the hospital with all that pain. I packed a simple bag and said goodbye to my mom. The worst part of everything was that around 8:00pm that night I had taken two Tylenol PMs to help me sleep that night. I didn't think I'd be going to the hospital that night and, even though I've never taken more than one Tylenol PM, I was confident I could handle two. Whoops! Going through back labor while falling asleep between contractions was awful. I couldn't be completely alert and I was just so tired. Other than that, I have no complaints about early labor. Levi was so amazing and helped me moan and groan my way through contractions. He drove so calmly to the hospital, even cracking sweet jokes along the way. It was a warm, breezy night that felt like a Chinook wind.
We arrived at St. Luke's at 11:45 and and checked into triage just before midnight. I had to fill out my paperwork while going through horrendous back contractions and I'm surprised my pen didn't pierce through the paper. We were taken back to triage where I was checked and told that I was having contractions every two to three minutes but was still dilated between a four and a five and that they wanted me to walk around for an hour to try to dilate a little more. Because it was the middle of the night, the whole floor was empty and quiet so we were able to talk and laugh while we walked around without ever running into anyone. Levi was great during this time. Whenever I felt a strong contraction (still in my back at this point) I'd stop and lean against a wall and he would stand behind me, pushing my hips in. It was such a relief and his positive attitude and calm demeanor actually made this part of labor enjoyable.
After an hour, it was 1:00am and they found that I was at a six and ready to be admitted to labor and delivery. This also meant I could have my epidural and I was very excited about that! Levi called my mom and told her where we were in the process and told her we'd call back around 4:00am. He should have known better as my mom and Heather showed up within thirty minutes! I was happy to see them, even though I felt bad they wouldn't be getting any sleep that night. Levi called his parents and siblings and they were also all at the hospital within a couple of hours. What a great family the two of us have!
The anesthesiologist was not the friendliest guy in the world and he was a little rougher than I would have liked. The epidural itself didn't hurt, but having contractions right in the middle of it sure did! The epidural kicked in, but unfortunately, because I had it while laying on my side, my entire right side went numb and I couldn't move my fingers at all. This was really frustrating, and I should have known that I was sensitive to the medicine.
After a while, the epidural started to wear off slightly and they sent in the same anesthesiologist , who shot me up with a boatload of lidocaine, instead of just topping me off. Needless to say, this didn't end well. My entire lower half went numb, and not just tingly numb, but dead numb. I know some people think this is the point of an epidural, but up until this point I had some sensation in my legs and feet and losing that sensation terrified me and ended up sending me into a panic attack. I've never had a panic attack and I wouldn't wish one on my worst enemy. They ended up having to send in someone in the room to give me a breathing treatment of Albuterol, while the other nurse turned off my epidural. She at first told me that I would have some sensation back in about ten minutes, but it ended up taking more than ninety minutes. During that time, Zane came in and gave me a blessing and Levi and the nurse worked doubletime rubbing my legs and feet, getting the blood flowing. It's embarrassing to think of panicking like I did, but I had no control over it. I'm just glad I had wonderful people there to help me out. Also, at some point during this time they broke my water.
After I "got my legs back", a new nurse took over and what a SWEETHEART she was. Her name was Hope and she was a grandmother who was retiring from nursing soon. I was so lucky to get her. She immediately knew what kind of pain medicine would work for me and called up a different anesthesiologist who made me a wonderful pain medicine cocktail. I never lost any sensation in any part of my body, other than the pain of contractions, and even those I felt a little bit, which I was totally fine with. At that time, I was dilated to an eight and we were all able to "relax" for a little bit. Because of the panic attack, Levi wasn't able to get any sleep so both of us had been up for over 24 hours. We were both so full of adrenaline that it didn't matter, we were just so excited to get our little girl out into the world. Hope was so awesome throughout everything and made me feel like I was the world's strongest mother-to-be.
Around 8:00am we found that I was fully dilated and Hope called the doctor in. Dr. Brea Shrum was the on-call doctor and I ended up loving her. Hope and the doctor thought I could start pushing around 8:30am and told me that a new mother can push anywhere between 1-3 hours. I remember thinking that I would kill myself if it took 3 hours...little did I know that that is exactly how long I'd be pushing :) Sometimes it's better not to know what you're in store for!
Dr. Shrum arrived and we did a few practice pushes. Hope helped me realize that I was pushing wrong and helped me center my pushes to be most productive. The birthing classes we took earlier in the month ended up being a great help and I used a lot of the pain management and breathing techniques we learned in class.
Pushing was fine until the final hour when the contractions were right on top of each other and the baby was deep down in the birth canal. She was crowning for that entire time and no pain medicine can take away the pain and pressure associated with crowning. Now that I look back on it, I'm glad I got to feel it. It made pushing her out so much more of a priority and the relief I felt once she came out was immense. Another great thing about her crowning for so long was that I got to see her beautiful hair in the mirror that Heather held for me. Seeing her head was such motivation and I couldn't wait to see her little face when she came out.
I started to get really exhausted around 11:00am and I said more than once that I couldn't do it. The doctor, Hope, Mom, Heather and Levi wouldn't let me give up and kept telling me I could do it and that I was so strong. Throughout the entire labor, my mom held one leg and helped me through pushing, while Levi had the other leg. Having those two at my side with Heather cheerleading me on made all the difference. At around 11:15 the NICU people arrived and I knew that meant that she was almost here. The doctor had told me that when the baby came out she would rush her over to the NICU nurses and they would check her over, since she was so early. Seeing them in the room made me so excited because I knew they wouldn't waste their time if I wasn't super close to delivering.
I think I pushed about three more times after their arrival and then at 11:21 she arrived. I had just done four pushes and the doctor said, "Push just one more time and she'll be here." I pushed the hardest I've ever pushed in my life and watched as our little angel came out and took her first breath. I knew immediately that she was perfect and healthy and as she let out her first cry Levi and I burst into tears and clutched each other. The tears that flowed from us were tears of joy, relief and unbelievable love. I remember just saying, "She's perfect!" over and over.
Levi was shaking as Dr. Shrum gave him the scissors to cut her cord and then she was whisked away to the NICU nurses. We watched as they did her tests, Levi filming on the new camera, and I couldn't believe how beautiful and cute she was. We knew when we saw her that she was Hadley Finola, a name that we had been talking about but weren't entirely sure of. There was no doubt when we saw her what her name was. Funny how that works!
After this all the family started to trickle in. Eliza, Wilson and Zane came in, along with Levi's parents, his sisters, and his best friend Pat. After Levi and I got to hold Hadley for the first time, which was so magical there aren't even words to describe it, we started passing her around. My mom and Heather were just about dead on their feet from being up so long, so they got to hold her first and then left after that to try to catch some much-needed sleep. Levi's family had lots of fun passing her around and taking lots of pictures. Hadley was calm and sweet through it all and Levi even got to feed her her very first bottle. Also, about an hour after Hadley was born, Hope brought me a plate of cheese and crackers and a cup of assorted fruit and a chocolate chip cookie. I didn't know food could taste that good! I think the endorphines were still pumping because I devoured that food and even started eating Levi's portion.
After a couple of hours, everyone left and Levi and I had a few hours to hang out with Hadley before we were moved up to the 8th floor where the nursery is. I tried to sleep, but was too excited and kept waking up wondering if I really, truly had just given birth to this perfect girl. Levi was crashing hard at this point and he had no problem sleeping for a couple of hours.
We moved up to our room on the 8th floor and were excited to have a gorgeous view overlooking Warm Springs Avenue. There was even a padded bench for Levi to sleep on. We ordered some delicious room service (open faced turkey sandwich for me, roast beef au jus for Levi) and then watched TV and surfed the internet on the laptop. Nurses came and went and did lots of tests on Hadley and me. They kept asking if I wanted them to take Hadley to the nursery so I could get some rest, but I couldn't give her up, not even for a second. When they took her for a couple of hours to do her PKU and other tests, I almost cried.
We had a steady stream of visitors from the time we got to our room until the time we checked out the next day. I don't think we went more than a couple of hours without someone visiting and it was so fun to see how excited everyone was. On Sunday morning, Pat came to visit and brought a dozen donuts. They were amazing! We did our best that day to get checked out early. I didn't want to spend any extra time at the hospital and I was just excited to get her home. I had the nurses show me a few things, like how to give a sponge bath, and then we filled out our paperwork and packed up our stuff. We finally checked out around 3:30 Sunday afternoon. Heather, Zane and the kids, as well as Levi's mom Maria, were there and helped us dress Hadley in her "going home" outfit. Of course it was huge, but adorable. We carefully strapped her into her car seat for the very first time (probably doing it too tight out of nervousness) and then they wheeled me down, with Levi carrying the car seat.
It felt so weird to just walk out of there with a new baby. I can't describe it, it was just crazy! My emotions at this point were so wacky from the lack of sleep and the hormones. I would sometimes look at Hadley and almost burst into tears from the amount of love I had for her. The only time I've felt a love that intense was the day I married Levi. This was different though. It was a raw, primal love and I had no idea I was capable of feeling something so fiercly.
The drive home was funny because neither Levi or I have ever been so hyper-conscious of how other people were driving. I wished I had a sign that said, "Brand new baby on board!" so people would be more careful around us. Needless to say, we made it home in one piece and were able to spend the rest of the day relaxing and enjoying Hadley in our home.
Well, that sums up our birth experience. It was the most magical day of my life and I wanted to record as many details as I could remember. Little Hadley has been an absolute joy since the minute she joined our family. We are completely obsessed with her and can't wait to watch her grow. All the tears and heartache we went through to get her here was so worth it. I would do it all over again in a heartbeat. Thank you to everyone who loved and supported us through the fertility process. Our love for our Hadley Finola is stronger than anything in the world and we couldn't have done it without all of you cheerleading for us. Thank you all so much!
